hmmm...

I feel that little freedom I was looking for, it’s not as good and satisfying as I thought. Some nights I reminisce and wonder what it’d be like. Regretting decisions I made.

Some nights I feel like a million bucks but never really content. I don’t know…

Maybe I just really don’t know what I’m looking for yet.

yup

so yeah.. it's been quite a different month from the past months in the past three years..

mood swings like crazy. one minute happy one minute pure sadness. most of the time mental blocking everything.

mental blocking? is that even a word? i don't know. don't care much really.

every now and then

domestic men

simply amazing. in short. yes amazing

nothing to do

a complete bore. energy wastage on pure nothing-ness

beluga

sexually deprived. hysterical laughs

my car

betsy. aged, reliable, sensitive and pretty cute

malaysian politics

a total ridicule. needs more brain

writing

satisfying. a good way to channel bad energies

weekends

catch up on sleep. drinks and more drinks

natural body odour

something to look out for in the mornings

punishment

can be entertaining. pure torture

intelligence

one word. sexy

bedrock

slow. hence the name

stillettos

invitingly sexy. not practical

pain and misery

laughter to some

life

New York minute. beautiful

god

works in a very funny way

yes, confusing. this is just my rantings towards whatever random things that came to mind. i am not bored. just taking a few minutes off work.

and.. crawling back to work. beauty..

sex bitching

Women talks about sex more than men. Don’t go all ‘oooooooo nooo’. It’s a FACT.

Men don’t go around and talk about their sex life to each other unless they’re real assholes, they don’t go comparing sizes like how we women do. You know you do, don’t lie.

For women: I’m sure you know your closest friends, mothers’ and sisters’ bra sizes or the sizes of the ahemmm of the men they have ‘encountered’.

For men: I’m sure you’ve been friends with this dude since the day you can share a cigarette together and you still don’t know how long or big is his ahemmm. Well unless, u know.. They’re queer. Or their girlfriends dirty kinky secrets in the bedroom, unless you’re a real asshole.

Women, good or bad, nice or naughty, somehow or another, we talk. Oh believe me guys, your girl’s bestfriend, she knows. Whatever that is..

What puzzles me is, why is that women talks about sex more than men? The way I see it, men are the more perverted and horny creature than women. So has the table turns because it’s the new century or it has been like this since the day Adam and Eve did it?

Or is it just the whole I’m a women and what I do I bitch. Good or bad I bitch. Really..

And why was I excluded from this fact and feels guilty about sharing my stories with the girls or even boys for that matter for the past 23 years?

Yes what you’ve been reading for the past 2 or 3 minutes is confusing.

I will do more research on this and will get back to this issue as soon as my gatherings are decent enough to be presented.

And I will present it in a way that is not too confusing for you to comprehend, or at least I’ll try..

Hello to you too..

comprehend my complexity

It's been a month since I started my new job. My experiences were only events and content for TV but to switch to an online portal is a big challenge for me (before I don't even know how to even take screen shots, yup no joke). Computer and technology is not my thing, even now I still prefer to write on a piece of paper rather than typing it out on my PC. I feel that I can write better with a pen and paper.

I'm an old fashioned girl in some way...

I love my new working environment and my new family here at MSN Malaysia. Everyone seems so calm and together (oh it gets crazy at times). Naturally I fit in well although I get a lot of teasing for my lack of computer skills. I'm not ashamed of it, I just wasn't interested before. It still doesn’t interest me now but I just have to.

Much has changed since I said good bye to 2009...

I found a new love in the old one. My mum is a lot happier these days with her new promotion and raise. My sister left to Romania which brought us closer in a way. I'm a lot happier with myself now. There are things that I want and I got it and I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

I want it and I want it all...

I also realized that I’ve taken too many things for granted and I don’t ever want to go there again. Life is so short and too short for me to live it wrongly. There are only one way to live life, to the fullest. I want everything and I want it all, and I want it all fast. My justification towards life and how I live it might be different from yours but this is the way I see it right.

put a ring on it

A good friend got engaged yesterday. It's a brave decision to make when you are only in your twenties. I'm proud of him and happy for the both of them.

This is it, I am at a juncture in life where my friends are sending invitations to their engagements and weddings, it's depressing sometimes but this is not something I can pressure someone else to do the same for me.

So reality bites..

do u feel safe?

I haven't written in so long. So here goes..

Happy 2010! I'm in my fourth week of my new job, everything seems so foreign to me. I really have no clue when it comes to a computer so to manage a channel online is really a challenge. But I learn new things everyday and so far so good.

So much shit is happening in the world which saddens me. The one that is really heartbreaking is at home in my own country. 11 churches, a convent school, a Sikh temple and two mosque were attacked by mindless pricks in the past three weeks. This is all over the high court ruling on the use of the word 'Allah' in a Catholic newsletter, 'Herald'.

I don't think I can say much here since I realized that there is no freedom of speech here in Malaysia and I really don't want to put myself in danger of some sort but all I got to say to the attackers of these holy places is that I believe that all religion teaches good qualities and morals. Attacking one's holy place of worship would be a disgrace to all kinds of religion for that matters.

If you do not agree with something there are ways to solve them, be patience, justify your arguments and if you lose there must be a valid reason for that. Violence does not solve anything. We can always compromise..

These attacks had tarnish Malaysia's image of a moderate Muslim country. The world is watching us and the whole 'extremist' image will definitely take a toll on all aspects of our country..

It's senseless..

Well you can surf my channel to find out more on the latest news in Malaysia and international.

http://news.malaysia.msn.com

Now let's all be friends..

xoxo

its not you, its me..

seriously ive been wondering for days and really im not too sure how this one works and how its going to work..

when two people love each other aren't they supposed to be with each other unless there's a gun pointed to their head showing all signs of NO?

right?

man love stinks big time.

i need to get some sleep and some good session with the shrink.

get a new topic to talk about

I guess I have a lot of time to spare today since I'm writing two posts in an hour. It's really boring in here anyways.

Stupid things people say about your weight.

We encounter it all the time I guess. Someone comes up to you and make a comment about your body, weight or size. This person might say something that hurts you, maybe he/she said something that leaves you really confused. I’ve heard a lot of crazy things in my life, things said to me and things said to people I know. So I thought we could dedicate this to stupid things people say in hopes that we will no longer let the things people say hurt us but rather laugh and make fun of those crazy comments.

I’ll start…

“You’re not as BIG as you used to be!” (Mind you I was underweight at the time of this comment and have never been more than a Size 4 in my entire life).

"That shirt makes you look pregnant."

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"You should just wear dresses."

"Did you lose weight? You look so much better."

"Wow! Those jeans look really baggy on you, good for you."

"Are you losing weight? You’re getting so much prettier!"

"Don’t get any bigger."

I think part of the reason people think that they can just say whatever about another person’s body is because we are being taught on a daily basis that weight is a public issue. We see it on television commercials, magazines and all kinds of advertisements. It is embedded into the fabric of so many of our conversations and it is a part of our collective consciousness. So, the next time people say something semi-insulting or totally insulting about your body, you might want to take the time to point out to them that their comments are crazy and they should find another topic or personality for that matters.

Bluuurrrppp

I haven't posted anything on my blog for quite some time. Been extra busy with work and no weekends off. Some life..

It's an awesome job, but the demanding hours and tight deadlines that kills me. I'm munching wonka nerds, while writing this and looking at the people in the news room.

I had a different image of how the newsroom would be before I work here, I mean the people. How they act, how they are. Well let's just say some of them isn't at the standard of my imagination.

It's funny the things they say and ask at times..

i wish a lot of things in life could be so much simpler. I wish people could be more forgiving. I wish people u love never hurt u intentionally. I wish for so many things..

Casbah

Oh and by the way, I'm at Casbah, Jln Telawi, Bangsar. It's the same row as 7eleven.

Good food and reasonably priced alcohol..

If you're free, come on down..

Papa

Last night, I hugged my father for the longest time I can remember and for the first time in years. I said sorry, I told him I love him. I cried, he did too.

I've never seen my father cried before.. I felt terrible for saying those things I said and even more terrible to know how such a small thing like a hug from me could make him happy.

I've been selfish and ignorant.

Time time time time...

Hello. I haven't written here in months. But I've been writing every day, just not here, scripts, teasers etc. There's a lot that I wanted to write in these past few months, but I don't own the luxury of time these days.

Time.. Is something that I really appreciate these days. I remember those days where I just sit around and do nothing and don't feel guilty about wasting it. Now that I know the value of time that we have in life, I dare not waste even a minute.

I even appreciate those few minutes that I took to day dream these days as I find it really 'ME' time and so special that when someone interrupts I would actually get agigated.

It's a bit peculiar, but that's how I function these days, I'm too busy with work so the only escapism of mind that I get is those few minutes of day dreaming..

I am trying hard to live the moment, even if it includes day dreaming..

Haihhh.. Will write soon I hope. Good afternoon.

Hello!

A colleague said that I should start blogging again.

So here's one.

I just discovered this author/philosopher introduced to me by his books by Youri, his name is name is Richard Bach, an American pilot who does not believes in marriage and loves to write.

He said:
Our true nature is not bound by space or time, we are expressions of the Is, we are not truly born nor truly die, and we enter this world of Seems and Appearances for fun, learning, to share experiences with those we care for, to explore—and most of all to learn how to love and love again.

This brought changes in me, I swear.