doo daa

The kitchen turn out well, the guest room and bathroom looks amazing. The work downstairs is almost done, they will begin the work upstairs on Tuesday. So I have to pack up my things in boxes by tomorrow. It will definitely bring tears and laughter that will slow down my work, coming across long lost photos, out to date clothes, birthday cards, letters and I-don't-know-what. So much memories for a very little room.. Haihhh..

dear, life.

I'm so glad that I don't party as much anymore, I'm so glad that I'm starting to appreciate the time alone that I have for myself and my loved ones, oh and also home, the very little time I have at home.. I don't find partying as exciting as I used to and I'm glad I don't.

I think as we all grow older, we need changes and higher level of maturity, drunken escapades just slows you down. The world is moving so fast, we need to pace up with the world, not the other way around. Time waits for no man. I'm glad I'm building a career instead of doing odd jobs to pay for a day's living and not knowing what I want. I'm not worried about the future anymore, because now that I know what I want, I can focus on the present and I'm sure it will work through just fine for the future. Past? It's in the past.. I'll leave it there.

I'm glad LIFE happens.

goodnight

i like this photo, is all. pffft. anywhoooooss, today has been a killing spree. he he he. no. it's just a very tiring day with work and all that. it was a mediocre day, i'm all tired probably because i haven't had anything proper to eat in days and not to mention, sleep. so i guess, i will try to sleep or valium myself. i just wish i have one now. it'll work wonders. goodnight blog! goodnight world, or maybe quarter of it. well, goodnight!

my precious

I glanced at the time on my computer, it’s 4 a.m. and I can’t seem to snooze again. I’m only writing for the sake of writing. I had a lot of time to think about almost everything in the last two days and discovered this, the only real valuable thing besides my beautiful mind is my intuition. There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance.

My mind can assert anything and pretend it has proved it. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, and then I accept. Trusting my intuition often saves me from disaster. If I really listen to my intuition it will tell me everything I know. I may have been lucky with some sort of intuition, but I believe in training a great deal. God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met.

There are things so deep and complex that only intuition can reach it in our stage of development as human beings. I am trying to listen to my intuition more, because I figured that instinct is the nose of the mind and I will let good intuition lead my path from now.

i k k i

It's 4 a.m. I can't seem to sleep and I'm in front of my computer trying to pen a few words here. Apparently an innocuous proposition made me ponder, which began in a listless way and later took a definite direction. I’m writing what I feel, grasping for air to breathe. I write when I feel I need to let things out particularly when there’s no one to talk to.

Although there are so many things going on in my head, I still think life is beautiful. The journey of the last two years has been beautiful. This new people I met that I call family now, and of course I can say at this point, the love of my life, Ikki.

He is my knight in shining amour; he was there when I was in need of a companion. He has shaped me to be a better person. He nurtures me to this level of maturity, although I still need to work on it. I wake up every morning thinking of him and the life I share with him. We argue about things, sometimes things that don’t even matter but I know for a fact, all these arguments made me understand him better and vice versa.

I am doing my level of best and want to make this most important relationship in my entire life a grand success. Because I know there would be no one like him and what I’ve shared with him is wonderful. I don’t think I will ever experience it with anyone else. He is my best friend, my psychologist, my mentor and everything else that is significant, but most of all he is the person I love most besides my family.

I love you, Ikki. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you.

lend me your shoulder

I’m sitting on my bed, looking out my window, its pouring rain. I’m quiet and held still. I’m ignoring and tolerating my pain. I was hyper ventilating, it was so hard to breathe so I cried and made it worst. I still don’t feel any relief of some sort.

I can’t seem to banish these critical voices from my head. This is the killer of joy. So I began pouring my feelings by writing this. It speaks my language. I’m grieving for the hurts in my life and making my heart heavy from hugging them around. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

I’m over analyzing my feelings, I can’t comprehend complexity. I need to talk to someone. I need to let it out. I don’t know where to begin. There are so many things in my head. I’m sensitive to the core. My family thinks I’m strong willed, that I can handle anything, yes they see me cry, but then I bounced back. Truth is I’m the weakest. I cry and I never stopped, I act as if everything is okay but really my head is so crowded with all this baggage I’m lugging around that caused me migraines and all this hyper ventilating.

Sit next to me, spare some time to listen and hold me. I’m losing it.