4am whining

The thought of asking a few questions pisses me off. Yeah, the whole 'life is too short to be pissed off all the time', but man, just the thought of asking these few questions pisses me off. Not even the answer. Dannggg.

b l u r p !

I haven't been to work in just about two weeks and I'm really at ease and it’s not good. Tomorrow I'm going to force myself to get out of bed and go to work. I can’t do this to myself. It’s self destruction.

I've been doing nothing much since. I stayed home during the day, wake up after 1 in the afternoon some days its much later, lay in bed and day dream until 2, get up, walk around the house, look for food and be back in bed by 2.30 and day dream some more. Get up at 3, watched movies, surf the internet and play computer games. I barely had anything to eat but I’ve endless supply of mineral water in my room. Whenever I feel I need to get out of my room, I'll go downstairs with my book and read.

I go out at night to see the world and eat a little. Then be back home around 3 or 4 in the morning or so and sleep. Same thing again the next day and I think I've rest well. Time for work. Hah! Its Friday tomorrow, Saturday coming after that. Yay!

dangggg son.

The noise is unbearable. I can't even hear my own thoughts. The house is in a mess, dust everywhere. The TV area is gone, the roof over the kitchen is gone, there's strange men walking around my house. I can't stand it. Never again am I going to mention the word 'renovation' in front of my mother! I'm supposed to be resting so I can fully recover and start working again, but these noises starts as early as 7am. Going in and out as I please is out of the question, my very loyal car is in the workshop AGAIN!

ours to make.

The longer I live the more I realized the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, education, money than circumstances, failure, successes than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gifted-ness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. we cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you, we are in charge of our own ATTITUDES.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but all of us can start today and have a new ending.

My Hospital Experience

First let me say that I'm happy to be alive, although not very well right now, I'm alive. I'm grateful. I am very grateful to the nurses and doctors who gave me intensive care and kept me healthy. I have tried to express my appreciation to them for their concern and professional service. In my own way that is. Despite everything, I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of the wards, I hate the feeling of being in a hospital. I hate not doing anything.

I was admitted on Monday evening, dengue fever. This had gone on for three days, so by that time I was very anemic. The first thing that happened, of course, was blood testing and the start of an IV. Both of those procedures called for my being stuck in various spots in veins which didn't cooperate very well. Throughout my stay in the hospital, vampires punctured me morning and night, with the first stabbing occurring at 6am each day. Until the very last day when I left the hospital, I had intravenous fluids of one kind or another with their ports often needing to be replaced because of leakage. Both of my arms were covered with black and blue streaks. Oh and rashes..

Since I was not able to take much nourishment when I entered the hospital, I was given intravenous nutrients including lipids and electrolytes in addition to the transfusions. Alas, something didn't agree with me. One evening I began itching violently and noticed that I had a red rash all over my body. I asked that the IV be discontinued, but the nurses did not feel they could do that, so I endured that itching all night until the doctor came in the morning and removed the IV tube. During the night a couple of aides slathered lotion all over me and relieved the itching to some extent. The doctor told me that I might be allergic to something in the IV feed, or that I might be reacting to an additive to prevent blood clotting.

I left the hospital after 4 days and 3 scary nights. However, I do want to say again how much I admire the people who do this kind of work. I am reminded of the story of Dr. Milliken, a famous physicist, whose maid was asked about his education and she said he was a doctor, but not the kind who did anybody any good. We all know that nurses and doctors do lots of good for lots of people.

let me breathe in my sleep

I opened my eyes but still beheld. Now wide awake with the vision of my sleep, that night expelled and there was a painful change. The bliss of my dream so pure and deep so I began to wept, moan forth witless words with many a sigh. I close my eyes, knelt with joined hands I pray. Fearing to move or speak, I hope it will only stay as a dream.

Sank back into my pillow by the dusk curtains and the lustrous salvers in the moonlight gleam in hope I will fall deeply asleep with no more sad dreams.

my own

A friend ask me today, why can't she comment on the posts on my blog, well for me my blog is my personal publish writings and just reading materials for others. So yeah.. I disabled the comment thingie.

Goodnight. I have work in the morning.

live your life

If I had my life to live over, although I had made lots, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers and seas. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, although my life is like a soap opera, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have. I would probably just carry clean underwear, that I can't live without.

If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more poetry reading; I would ride more merry-go-rounds and probably do sky-diving once every month. I would pick more daisies. Roses would kill me. Haihh.. Life. Oh, but wait, I'm only in my early 20s. I have time to do all these things. In fact, I have plenty of time.

So I'll stop writing for now and go cat hunting or maybe rabbit if I'm lucky. Ikki has a slingshot, too bad he's sleeping. I should cook. Just randomly toss everything in the cooking pan and see how it turns out. Or I could sew, or fix my guitar string. There's so much to do. I don't know why I'm here whining. 24hours is not enough to live a day.

I can't live my life all over again, but this I just figured, the best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. Yay!

Changes

Changes. It's not a simple thing to do, no matter how simple other people think it is. If you've never tried, you'll never know. The shifting process is crucial. I have to figure out what was wrong with me and find a solution for it by not losing myself at the same time. I got confused, I lost what was good in me for a while. It's a horrible feeling. When I finally figure things out and miraculously found myself again in a winding mind labyrinth, everything else doesn't fall effortlessly. People still brings out things from my past, which I don't think is what I am anymore, but that's how human works. They stereotype and no matter how much they say they forgive or forget, they don't. It breaks me.

I fell silent, most of the time I cry and I can't wait to fall asleep.

oi!

i hate online fifa. give me my boyfriend back!