I’m sitting on my bed, looking out my window, its pouring rain. I’m quiet and held still. I’m ignoring and tolerating my pain. I was hyper ventilating, it was so hard to breathe so I cried and made it worst. I still don’t feel any relief of some sort.
I can’t seem to banish these critical voices from my head. This is the killer of joy. So I began pouring my feelings by writing this. It speaks my language. I’m grieving for the hurts in my life and making my heart heavy from hugging them around. I don’t know why I do this to myself.
I’m over analyzing my feelings, I can’t comprehend complexity. I need to talk to someone. I need to let it out. I don’t know where to begin. There are so many things in my head. I’m sensitive to the core. My family thinks I’m strong willed, that I can handle anything, yes they see me cry, but then I bounced back. Truth is I’m the weakest. I cry and I never stopped, I act as if everything is okay but really my head is so crowded with all this baggage I’m lugging around that caused me migraines and all this hyper ventilating.
Sit next to me, spare some time to listen and hold me. I’m losing it.
