I haven’t been writing because my PC went Britney on me and the fact that, I have lost my interest in almost everything since 27th October.
I had a late night, I was tired so I slept soundly.
I heard knocking on my door close to 5am, a little annoyed and with the little force that I had, I opened the door. It was my brother, telling me to get dressed and head to my aunt’s to pay my last respect for my grandmother. My heart literally stopped beating, my mind went blank, then came flashbacks of last Aidilfitri and the last time I phoned her, it was just last week. I was in the car, with Ikki, I thought of asking what she was doing. She told me she was having tea and biscuits with my grandfather by the fish pond.
Then my mind went blank again, my world felt silent, my brother’s words came back ringing to my ear. I couldn’t believe what I heard, I panicked, brushed my teeth, slip on an old baju kurung and drove crazily, sobbing, half-way crying, didn’t want to believe what my brother told me so I gave myself some false hope by telling myself that maybe she’s just ill.
When I got to my aunt’s, I saw my cousin sitting by a corner, she was crying. I looked around, looking for my grandmother, she wasn’t downstairs. So I ran up and there she was, laying on the bed in my little cousin’s room, covered with white cloth, lifeless. I didn’t know how to react, so I ran downstairs. Walking back and forth, my hand close to heart, trying to figure what is this pain that I’m feeling.
When vivid image of my grandmother came into mind, her last words to me.. I broke down, started crying heavily and I ran back upstairs, pull the cloth that was covering her face, she looks like she’s at peace. I kissed her and I hugged her, I didn’t want to let go.
I still can’t let go. How I miss her..
Since she passed, there’s not a single day that I not think of her. I pray everyday that my grandfather will regain back his strength to live again without my grandmother. Oh, how much he loved her. I remember days that they’ll just lay in bed all afternoon talking about their life and their children, they’ll crack jokes and laugh until my grandfather started coughing. My grandmother, she was funny, really, and the heart on her.. you can’t imagine. I loved her so much.
Al-Fatihah..
